The secrets to why Ishida Uryuu betrayed his friends
by nish0
Summary: This is a crack. A conversation between Uryuu and others regarding why he joined the enemy. Note: related to the recent arc and covers until the manga chapter published on 26/6/13, so might contain spoilers for some.


**The secrets to why Ishida Uryu betrayed his friends**

:Hey Ishida, long time no see.

_:Yeah, I have been busy. _

:But you decided to show up for Ichigo's birthday?

_:Yeah… you know, thought I should catch up with you guys, see how everyone's doing. I heard he has a new zangetsu_.

:He does. And we are all fine. How are you doing? Your hair seems a little greyish.

_:Nah… its nothing just a bit stressed about work and things you know. _

:Yeah, we've heard you joined that Juha Bach dude. What's up with that man? Thought you are our friend.

_:Er… I am… but you know how he's the big king of the Quincies. Since I am the last one, I can't say no to that. _

:You do know that he's trying to kill us all off. He's already killed the head commander of soul society.

_:I heard. Sorry about that. You know how these leader characters go. It was same for that Aizen guy, they all start thinking they are the god himself. _

:So why are you with him?

_:It's not like I wanted to, truly. _

:Like hell we'd believe that. You were just jealous Ichigo was getting all the attention, weren't ya?

_:NO! That's not it. I…I'm happy for Ichigo, he deserves all the attention. I have other reasons for doing what I have done. _

:Well than, come on, tell us.

_:Why should I tell you anything? Get off my back. _

:We're not letting you off the hook that easy man. What did he offer?

_:Well, he did make me his successor, but that's not why I joined him._

:Why did you then?

_:Sorry, can't tell you_.

:Even if Orihime comes and asks?

_:Yep, even if Inoue san asks._

[Interval]

:Ishida kun, Ishida kun, Ishida kun!

_:Ahh! Inoue san, you look lovely today. _

:Thank you Ishida kun. You have been away for a while Ishida kun. How are doing today Ishida kun?

_:I am well thanks. You look well too, I see._

:Yes Ishida kun. Kurosaki kun has been real nice to me lately. He even bought some of my left over bread.

_:Oh… err… I guess… that's nice of Kurosaki. I think I bought some of your bread too once…. _

:Yes he is very nice. He was so gentle and kind and generous and happy and helpful…

_:Oh nice, nice. Ahem!_

:Oh yes. I almost forgot, the guys wanted me to ask you why you have joined the Juha… Jukha… Judha…

_:Juha!_

:Yes yes, that Juha bach guy. Why did you Ishida kun?

_:Ermm… I'm sorry Inoue san… I can't tell… wait, what? Are you crying Inoue san. Don't cry. Please don't cry. _

:It's okay Ishida kun, if you can't tell me… sniff sniff… if I don't get you to tell me than Kurosaki kun might not buy the extra breads from me… but it's okay. It's only few breads… sniff sniff… I can't impose upon you…Ishida kun…..

_:Ahh… what's with that look Inoue san?_ _Stop looking at me like that Inoue san! _

:It's nothing, nothing. See… all tears are gone… yep… well it's all gone. I'm so sorry Ishida kun… I am trying to wipe of all the tears… but they kept coming…

_:Okay fine, I will tell you. _

:You will? I'm so happy, I can cry more.

_:No no no. don't cry._

:It's okay. It's only tears of joy.

_:Umm. I guess… if you are okay with it._

:So tell me tell me tell me Ishida kun.

_:Umm… I had to join his army because he was blackmailing me._

:Blackmailing you? What a jerk! What did have on you Ishida kun.

_:It's nothing._

:Tell me tell me tell me… or I'll cry.

_:No no don't cry. Umm… he found an embarrassing video of me and threated to release it on the internet. _

:Is that true? It can't be that bad.

_:Oh no it's bad._

[interval]

:Hey Ishida!

_:Yeah?_

:Wanna come here and see something interesting on youtube?

_:What is it…..? OH MY GOD! What the…How…why….. Where did you get this? That jerk, he said he won't release it. _

:Well, it looks like this video has been on the youtube for few months now. There is a decent number of hits too. Ishida, you are so popular.

:…

:Hey what's wrong Ishida, why is your face all red. Are you okay? Someone please call Ichigo's dad.

:…

[interval]

**:It looks like his blood pressure increased rapidly and he collapsed. What happened? **

:He saw a youtube video of himself.

**:That doesn't sound so bad.**

:Well, in that video he was dressed up as a mermaid in a english tea party. It's hilarious. Here have a look. Now he's trying to stand up and bow to that gentle man… hahha… watch more, the gentle man is trying to ask him for a dance….. hahahaha…. My stomach hurts... Hahaha… no wonder the guy was blackmailing him with this…. It's so embarrassing… hahaha … wait wait… now he'll fall and his wigs gonna come off…. keep watching… there's more….

[The end]


End file.
